anguish
by genripper
Summary: shinn's nightmares from the war, and his effort to understand and get rid of them


Anguish

I wake every night in a cold sweat, I see the visions of the war and the person I had become. A hateful bitter person, I tried to kill ….tried to kill everyone. I know now that I was taken advantage of, that they used my feelings to there own advantage. Yet I still feel so guilty, I have tried so hard to make amends, but still the dreams come to haunt me.

I have made my peace in my own way, with the chairman and ray. I when to there grave markers and told them I forgave them. My shipmates one by one I tracked them down and made my peace with them and has passed between us. Yet there is still two people I have to find I have to talk with. It is there forgiveness I need most of all, I need to find athrun and his friend kira.

After the war ended, they seemed to disappear into thin air along with the eternal and archangel. I assumed they would return to orb so that's where I went and waited, they never came. Some say they all died in the battle yet no wreckage was ever recovered from either ship, no I am sure that they are still alive.

I have followed so may leads, and that what has brought me out to this remote part of space where there is rumored to be a fallen colony adrift. I figured that's where I would go if I want to disappear for a while and let the world start to heal before trying to reenter it. I was aloud to approach and enter it there is no signs of life, just empty streets yet I feel like I am being watched.

"hello shin", I hear a voice say. I turn and see I am surrounded by the very persons I had looked so long to find athrun, a boy to the right of him who I assume to be kira

Athrun, I have been looking along time for you, I said

Why would you be looking for me, the war is over I don't want to fight you any more. Hasn't enough pain and sorrow passed between us shin?, said athrun

Its because of that that I wanted to find you and your friend kira. There is a lot I would like to say to you both, if you will just listen to me.

Athrun, lets go sit down and hear what he has to say he did come all this way, said kira

Alright, the old café is down the street. Come on, and athrun said and lead the way

We all sat down after getting something to drink, it seems that they have kept this place running.

So why would you want to find us shin, you tried to kill both athrun and me. You blamed the war on us and called us traitors. Kira said cutting to the point

Its because of all that, that I need to find you both and apologize. I could see the look of surprise was evident on both of there faces. But I pressed on

I was wrong, during the war I was used like we all were used. Ever since that final day I have had these horrid visions and dreams of the day I "killed" both of you. I have spent all this time after the war making amends with everyone to try and stop these dreams

I am afraid that even if they forgive you and I am sure they do, that you dreams will continue. A voice said from the shadows. It was a pink haired goddess, it was lacus.

You have to forgive your self before you can begin to heal. We all have these dreams of from the war. She said. Both athrun and kira spend many nights awake as these dreams intruded into there lives. Your lucky shin you have only one war to coup with we have two. Neither was easy for them. In both wars it pit these two against each other. it's a truly heart wrenching story, but not one I am sure you came to hear.

Shinn, I don't hate you. If there one thing I have learned is that things done in war need to be left in the war. Stop worrying about it, I forgave you long time ago. said athrun

I didn't hate you, I don't harbor any ill feelings towards you shin, but you have to live with what happened. You came for our forgiveness , and you have it, kira assured me

Why do you all stay in hiding then? If you have it all figured out then why not pursue a normal life? They all looked at me with this odd look on there face and it was lacus who spoke first

The world is still healing, and so are we, the world needs our absence right now. As time goes by we will slowly reenter the world.

So what are you saying? That I should hide like you?

No, the world need you in it. It needs for the soldiers who were hurt and led astray to help rebuild it. Athrun said in a very quite somber tone

And they why don't you lend a hand, I started to raise my voice a bit, what if we mess it up?

We are the out side voice, we have chosen to be there to help humanity if it chooses the wrong path. But we feel that all of humanity must decide for them selves what path to take. Kira said just as athrun stopped.

I began to understand, there love for each other and the world speaks volumes to what sacrifices they have endured and continue to suffer, they suffer the sins of humanity.

I left them after that day, I left them to go and make there dreams a reality. I worked from that day on to make the world a place worth living in. I never saw them again, expect in my dreams. Only they stopped being of all the bad and began of the good, often there of that day and the words of hope they spoke to me.

We owe them the peace and privacy that they have earned in the battles.

Thank you all, your friend

Shinn asuka


End file.
